Dear Terrell Owens….

July 21, 2008 at 10:21 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments
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Terrell, It was good seeing you on the ESPY’S on Sunday night. But there are three things I want to talk about.

First, your jacket:

I actually like it. I’m not sure if that’s a family crest, or some creative doodling, or maybe it was actually on the rack at some store that they wouldn’t let me in to. Whatever it is, we only saw it for a second…in bad lighting….. and while you were moving. If this is the new T.O. line of clothing, I wear a 42 regular. Granted, your arms are much bigger than mine, but I know a good tailor, so if you’re never going to wear that ever again, consider me charity.

Secondly, who was that woman sitting to your left? Was that your date? Wowsers! She was a genetic lottery winner. If I’m lucky enough to go to a Cowboys home game this year, and Jessica Simpson and that girl are both there, I might not see any of the game.

Lastly, let’s talk about your ESPN Gift Bag. What’s in it? Well, a personal booze breathalizer, various gift certificates, a free burrito a week for a year (seriously, from Chipotle), a vacuum cleaner (who knew?), tickets to a Disney show, 2-hours of livery service in an eco-friendly car (don’t bring any linemen), a golf putter, a Russian diving watch (you don’t need that…I do…I’m constantly late….and diving…..in Russia), designer sunglasses, gift certificate for level 1 cd-rom to learn a new language with the Rosetta Stone ( Mr. Owens, I’m trying to learn Italian..that would REALLY help), more food, a two night stay at a luxury hotel in either Miami, West Hollywood, DC or New York, and 6 bottles of wine to take home (so THIS is how the other half lives). So, what do you plan on doing with any or all of that schwag? I’m just asking…..

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  1. Too funny! Although, you might want to reconsider the Jessica Simpson sighting at a Dallas Cowboys game. If she shows up this season, I’m sure what you might be seeing instead of her is a sniper hit or a take down by some fan or even the woman that sat next to T.O. at the ESPYs for ruining his chance at a playoff run with Romo! 🙂

  2. Constantly late… and diving… in Russia. Classic. Omar, does it hurt being that awesome? I imagine it could be pretty painful.

  3. JB…it’s a gift and a curse, but it can be tiring. There were also “spa certificates” in that goody bag. Again, those would help, too. Call T.O. He’ll answer your calls.


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